Pizza, Trust, and Runescape

So today, I was at Pizza Hut when my parents decided to call my sister and I out for not accepting them as friends on Facebook. I tried explaining to them that Facebook was basically a chronicle of my illegal and abhorrent activity and that I didn't want them to read about/see my adventures with methamphetamine, prostitutes, and Buffy.

Fine, she's hot..

They thought this was a joke, so my sister chirped in saying we needed some privacy in our lives. They smiled like they had just stolen Christmas. My dad said he was giving us privacy by giving us open access to the internet. He reminded me of the dictatorship days when he had secret monitoring programs on our computers, and would check up on the things we were doing and saying. Then he brought up one of the less proud moments of my childhood.

"LOL!! WUTZ PRIVACY??"

To all those who don't know what Runescape is, it's an MMORPG, an online game where people play in real time. A very addicting online game. I was probably in 5th or 6th grade and I played it A LOT. It was the summer and I wanted to pretend to be a wizard because it was a lot better than pretending to be a 6th grader. One day, I was walking around my fictional world doing fictional things when I crossed paths with another character. I saw hundreds of other characters every time I played Runescape, but this one gave me a funny look. My pixelated heart filled with rage.

"Hey, you cocksucking whore!" I yelled.
"Wut?" came his confused reply.
"You motherfucking bitch fucker!" screamed I, in a fury that wiped out my ability to form coherent sentences.
"Hey man, calm down," came his nervous reply.
I began typing up more furious profanities.




Just then, I got a call from my dad.
"Hey dad," I said.
"Son, what are you doing?"
"I'm just browsing stuff on the internet, dad," I said, putting on my most innocent voice.
"I've been watching you on the computer for 10 minutes. Why did you just use those words?" He asked.

I felt as if his voice penetrated into the deepest recesses of my soul. I shrunk from the telephone receiver in fear. My dad had installed a program into my computer which allowed him to monitor everything I was doing at any time from his computer. The game was over, and my dad had won. It was time to do damage control.

"Dad, I didn't know what those words were, I heard them on TV"

As an immigrant himself, he was likely to believe this story. I learned early on always to blame American culture for all my shortcomings. It didn't fail this time either. My dad told me never to use those words again, and my Runescape character went on to a long and prosperous life.


Now, inside this dark, hot, Pizza Hut, this moment was being revisited. Humiliated, I was about to show my dad what other words I had learned from TV, but the waitress came, and I had to laugh it off. But my heart was filled with rage. That is, until I got the pizza. Pizza solves all problems. In summary, I'm never adding my parents onto Facebook.